the past one week has been one hell of a roller coaster. i finally found what i was looking for...its in front of me..and now that i am looking at it, i'm scared that i may lose it again. i wish i could capture it for good and never ever be scared of losing it again.

Delhi is beginning to get cold, i love winters but the characteristic feature for me every winter is to get grimmer and lonelier.. since it is my favorite season i suppose that can be explained.. or can't it? In Shillong, while still in school, i grew up looking at each winter as a transition period.. as our final exams would end in November, results were out by december and the prospect fo being a year senior made winter seem a really fun time..(for me at least). Being this optimistic child that i was, i would always believe that the next school year would bring me fame and glory. it happened i must admit, but not in every way that i wanted of course. The only thing i didn't like about winters then was that the day was short and because it would dark real quick my playtime was cut short. these days what i don't like about winters is the morose air. i suppose it is just me, but i wish i could capture my happiness and spread it across the year but it eludes me.
'The Alternative' is a something i want to write. in it i want to capture my years in Shillong and the possibilities that eluded me then. i think possibilities elude me everyday but when i look at my growing up years, and i would include up to my third year in college, i see that somewhere, i took a path that eventually became a labyrith. and what i look for is somewhere there.. just don't know how to capture it. will get back on this in my next post.