Why in the world do people make the same mistakes over and over again? This is a mistake too. i should not be blogging,.. i should be studying for my exam but i am engaging in what may be to many bright and sensible minds a colossal waste f time. Nevertheless i am intent on writing today, about something that is clawing at my brains. So here goes.
About 10 years ago i learnt something very valuable- to not take a guy seriously. i dont mean literally. Anyway, as i was young and naive i refused to believe what i then sensed and now know for a fact- it's best to be single, non-discriminating, and to develop a switch that could serve the purpose for me to 'feel' when i want to and completely not 'feel' when i dont want to- i learnt however in the last ten years (several times over) that none of these is really up to me. For instance, i have not been able to be single through that span even though i wanted to be, i have been pretty severely discriminating about men in particular and that leaves me with so few to consider that it gets severely difficult, and lastly there is no switch. Infact, if there is one it works the other way round. hm. it is the strangest dichotomy of a person's life that although he/she is definitely happier being single, he/she longs to be in a situation that invites unhappiness. i could go into a sociological enquiry of the different ways in which different people , men and women, choose their status- why they do so and so on. However that would only hinder my current thought process. As i was saying I have been very careful to NOT invite unhappiness, stay clear of trouble etc etc. recently, however i have discovered that denial is not a very good thing because instead of helping one forget something one does not want to remember, acknowledge or whatever, it acts as a catalyst in invogorating the very things one is seeking to be in denial about. phew. that is the simplest way i could have discreetly described my state of affairs. it is creating havok on my simple life and my thought process has gone for a toss.
i am too sleepy to continue with my story now, so i think i will write about the role played by the internet in this whole process in my next post. till next time then.